I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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