My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
