I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
