Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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