Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
