How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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