Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
