Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
