I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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