Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
