I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
