Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He passed out mid-signature
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
