I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize