Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
