evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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