Sponge bath it is.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize