I think i peed on brittanys purse
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
