I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
