I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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