i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
