the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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