was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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