Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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