Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
