Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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