So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize