I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
