Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
