So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
