Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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