It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
