Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
