just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
