Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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