i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
