My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
