note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
