I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
