I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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