On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
