I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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