The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
