these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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