dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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