Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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