I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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