just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
