I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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