im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
