The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
