my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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