5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
