@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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