Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
