Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize