Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
