Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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