There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize