I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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