remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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