walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
