Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
