So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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