Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
