UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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