god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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