Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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