Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
