Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
