Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
