why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
