just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
