Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
