No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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