so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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