The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
