i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
