So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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