i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
