it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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