just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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