is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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