seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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