I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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