I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
