At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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