It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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