is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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